Akbar Birbal – Ku Su Joke
Akbar tells Birbal that he has learnt adding Ku to something makes it bad and Su to something makes it good.
While speaking all this Akbar’s Son enters the room, Birbal gets up says Come Come “Suvar” Saheb (which means pig). Akbar gets very angry on this insult, he asks Birbal to explain this. Birbal says Badshah you yourself said Ku means bad and Su means good, then how could I call your son “Kuvar” (a Rajput word for Prince), hence I called him Suvar…
One day, Birbal was talking of a dinner he had eaten the day before. In doing so, he described brinjal (baingan) as be -gun i.e. without any good qualities. Akbar, who at the very moment was passing by, overheard this and started praising the qualities of the brinjal as bahu-gun i.e one without myriad qualities. Birbal promptly agreed. Thereupon, Akbar remonstrated with Birbal and asked him how Birbal could contradict himself. Birbal, with his famous presence of mind, retorted ‘But Your Highness, I am your servant and not of the brinjal!’
Teacher : who was AKBAR?
Boy : Akbar was gay!!
Teacher : why?
Boy : v hav heard. Laila-Majnu, ……Heer-Ranjha, Adam-Eve, Soni-Mahival & only Akbar-Birbal…;)
Kiss ka Vada
Akbar : Mujse Vada Kr Teri Biwi Ke Pehli Kiss muje Lene Dega.
Birbal : Vada Hujoor! Par Meri bhi ek Sart Hai.
Akbar : Bol?
Birbal : Shadi aapki Behan Se Karunga.
Khakar Peekar Bhi Roja Na Toote –
Akbar : Birbal koi aisa tarika batao ki main khau peeu or mera roza na tute.
Birbal : Huzur logo se laate khao or gussa pee jao sab kuch tutega magar roza nahi tutega.
On a cold winter day Akbar and Birbal took a walk along the lake. A thought came to Birbal that a man would do anything for money. He expressed his feelings to Akbar. Akbar then put his finger into the lake and immediately removed it because he shivered with cold.
Akbar said “I don’t think a man would spend an entire night in the cold water of this lake for money.”
Birbal replied “I am sure I can find such a person.”
Akbar then challenged Birbal into finding such a person and said that he would reward the person with a thousand gold coins.
Birbal searched far and wide until he found a poor man who was desperate enough to accept the challenge. The poor man entered the lake and Akbar had guards posted near him to make sure that he really did as promised.
The next morning the guards took the poor man to Akbar. Akbar asked the poor man if he had indeed spent the night in the lake. The poor man replied that he had. Akbar then asked the poor man how he managed to spend the night in the lake. The poor man replied that there was a street lamp near by and he kept his attention affixed on the lamp and away from the cold. Akbar then said that there would be no reward as the poor man had survived the night in the lake by the warmth of the street lamp. The poor man went to Birbal for help.
Most Read story 38 – Birbal’s Khichri
The next day, Birbal did not go to court. The king wondering where he was sent a messenger to his home. The messenger came back saying that Birbal would come once his Khichri was cooked. The king waited hours but Birbal did not come. Finally the king decided to go to Birbal’s house and see what he was upto.
He found Birbal sitting on the floor near some burning twigs and a bowl filled with Khichri hanging five feet above the fire. The king and his attendants couldn’t help but laugh.
Akbar then said to Birbal “How can the Khichri be cooked if it so far away from the fire?”
Birbal answered “The same way the poor man received heat from a street lamp that was more than a furlong away.”
The King understood his mistake and gave the poor man his reward.
Identifies the Guest
Once Birbal was invited for dinner by a rich man. When Birbal reached there, he found himself in a large crowd. The host greeted him warmly and took him inside. Birbal said, “I did not know that there will be so many guests in this gathering.” The host replied politely, “They are not guests, Sir. They are my employees except one who is the only other guest here besides you. Could you tell who is that other one guest here?”
“Maybe, I could. Tell them a joke, and I will observe them.” The rich man told the joke and everybody laughed uproariously. Perhaps this was the worst joke Birbal had ever heard in his life. Now the rich man asked Birbal, “I have told the joke, now you tell me who is the other guest here?” Birbal pointed out towards a man and said, “He is that other guest.” The rich man was very surprised hearing this that how could he recognize the other guest. He said to him, “You are right Birbal, but how did you recognize him?”
Birbal said, “Because only employees can laugh on such a joke. He was the only person who did not even smile on your joke, so I immediately recognized him as the other guest.”
Akbar : Hamare ammi abba humse itni mohabt karte thhe, ke hame sulane k lie sari sari raat jagte rehte, or hum fir b na sote the.
Birbal : Tbhi to aap eklote reh gaye huzoor.
The Foolish Brahmin
Once upon a time a foolish brahmin came to visit Birbal with a strange request. He wanted to be addressed as ‘pandit’. Now, the term ‘pandit’ refers to a man of learning. But unfortunately this poor brahmin was uneducated. Birbal tried to explain the difference to him saying that it was not correct to call an uneducated man a pandit and because of this very reason it would be improper to call him so. But the silly brahmin had his heart set on this title.
So, as usual, Birbal had a brilliant idea. He said that as the brahmin was an uneducated man he should hurl abuses and stones at anyone who dared to address him by the very same title he wanted. Then Birbal called all his servants to himself and ordered them to call this lowly brahmin a pandit. The brahmin was very pleased. But the moment the servants started calling out to him as ‘pandit’ he pretended to be very angry and started to abuse them loudly. Then he picked up a few stones and hurled them in their direction. All as per clever Birbal’s advice.
All this shouting and screaming drew a crowd. When people realised that this brahmin was erupting every time anyone called him ‘pandit’, they all started to tease him. Over the next couple of days, he would constantly hear the refrain ‘pandit’ wherever he went. Very soon the whole town started referring to him as ‘pandit’ much to his delight.
The foolish brahmin never realised why people were calling him in this manner. And was extremely pleased with the result. He thanked Birbal from the very bottom of his foolish heart.
One day, when Akbar and Birbal were in discussions, Birbal happened to pass a harmless comment about Akbar’s sense of humour. But Emperor Akbar was in a foul mood and took great offense to this remark. He asked Birbal, his court-jester, friend and confidant, to not only leave the palace but also to leave the walls of the city of Agra. Birbal was terribly hurt at being banished.
A couple of days later, Akbar began to miss his best friend. He regretted his earlier decision of banishing him from the courts. He just could not do without Birbal and so sent out a search party to look for him. But Birbal had left town without letting anybody know of his destination. The soldiers searched high and low but were unable to find him anywhere.
Then one day a wise saint came to visit the palace accompanied by two of his disciples. The disciples claimed that their teacher was the wisest man to walk the earth. Since Akbar was missing Birbal terribly he thought it would be a good idea to have a wise man that could keep him company. But he decided that he would first test the holy man’s wisdom.
The saint had bright sparkling eyes, a thick beard and long hair. The next day, when they came to visit the court Akbar informed the holy man that since he was the wisest man on earth, he would like to test him. All his ministers would put forward a question and if his answers were satisfactory he would be made a minister. But if he could not, then he would be beheaded. The saint answered that he had never claimed to be the wisest man on earth, even though other people seemed to think so. Nor was he eager to display his cleverness but as he enjoyed answering questions, he was ready for the test.
One of the ministers, Raja Todarmal, began the round of questioning. He asked “Who is a man’s best friend on earth?” To which the wise saint replied, “His own good sense”. Next Faizi asked which was the most superior thing on earth? “Knowledge”, answered the saint. “Which is the deepest trench in the world?”, asked Abdul Fazal. And the saint’s answer was “a woman’s heart”. “What is that which cannot be regained after it is lost?” questioned another courtier and the reply he received was ‘life’. “What is undying in music” asked the court musician Tansen. The wise saint replied that it was the “notes”. And then he asked “which is the sweetest and most melodious voice at night -time? And the answer he received was “the voice that prays to God.”
Maharaj Mansingh of Jaipur, who was a guest at the palace asked, “what travels more speedily than the wind?” the saint replied that it was “man’s thought”. He then asked, “which was the sweetest thing on earth?” and the saint said that it was “a baby’s smile”.
Emperor Akbar and all his courtiers were very impressed with his answers, but wanted to test the saint himself. Firstly he asked what were the necessary requirements to rule over a kingdom, for which he was answered ‘cleverness’. Then he asked what was the gravest enemy of a king. The saint replied that it was ‘selfishness’. The emperor was pleased and offered the saint a seat of honour and asked him whether he could perform any miracles. The saint said that he could manifest any person the king wished to meet. Akbar was thrilled and immediately asked to meet his minister and best friend Birbal.
The saint simply pulled off his artificial beard and hair much to the surprise of the other courtiers. Akbar was stunned and could not believe his eyes. He stepped down to embrace the saint because he was none other than Birbal.
Akbar had tears in his eyes as he told Birbal that he had suspected it to be him and had therefore asked him whether he could perform miracles. He showered Birbal with many valuable gifts to show him how happy he was at his return.